Your marriage might be ending after a brief period or maybe it has taken years to evolve into an irreconcilable situation. No matter how long it has taken to get to this undesirable point, if your marriage is failing, you are likely to be experiencing a range of emotions including anger, fear, sadness and uncertainty over the tough decisions and the feeling of failure that has changed the hopeful plans you had at the beginning of your marriage.
It is very important to make wise choices because how your choose can have a big impact on the rest of your life. It is very important to try to look at your separation as an opportunity and a challenge. If you feel bitterness and unhappy for a long time than you must deal with this issue. It is important to let go of the bitterness, frustration and anger. Now is the time to be positive and to look forward. Take inventory of your blessings, your skills and desires and move forward to a new, rewarding life.
If you are going through a separation or if you know someone that is, here are a few things to to that will help with coping and adjusting during this very trying period.
- Talk to a friend. Talking to a friend or a family member can give you the kind of support to get through a separation. Sharing your anger and frustration can be helpful in understanding how and why you have these feelings. But be careful not to impose your negative on your children. Just find someone you can trust so that you feel comfortable sharing your concerns. Maybe you will find that they have a similar experience and can helpfully guide you or maybe they will just listen.
- Try to maintain a familiar routine. This is especially important if you have children. It will help give them a sense of stability during a time when major changes are happening. And for you, it will help keep you focused on the other aspects of your life that need to be handled.
- Talk to your kids. They need to know that it is not their fault. They also need to know that they are not losing the love and support of either parent. Do not hide the new realities. Being open and honest about their new living arrangements usually helps make this transition easier.
- Stay active and healthy. This is likely to be a stressful period that will lend itself to poor eating habits, worrying, and staying up too late. So it is more important than ever that you eat right and exercise. You also need to get your rest. Don’t stay up late, go to the gym and eat 3 healthy meals.
- Do what you can. It is very important to keep things in perspective. You can’t control how other people react to separation. And you can’t always control the circumstances of your situation. Do what you can and try not to worry and control things that you can’t change.
- Give yourself some time to heal. This is likely to be a low point in your life. And sometimes it might feel like life will never get better. But, it will. You don’t need to hurry into major changes. You just need to do what you feel is best for yourself. Because, in time, everything will get better.
- If necessary, get professional help. You don’t need to “tough this out” on your own. You are likely to be up against a myriad of emotional and legal issues. If you are having severe emotional problems, seek out a counselor or the clergy. You family physician can probably refer you to a counselor. For legal issues, it is best to consult an attorney that specializes in separation and divorce.